Mmm. Well, hopefully they've learned a good lesson this week.
[....Lesson? Did she do all of that to teach his pieces something?]
I figured doing that would make it easier for you next trial.
[And at that....she sighs, shaking her head.]
I'm aware, Watanuki. But...
[...]
...You're - the only other new Witch I've ever met. And really, I ... as much as I play it up in public, I'd rather not hurt you.
...I know that's not the standard with other Witches, but...I am still young. And since I was so young...none of them have really been around me, save Lady Lambdadelta, or the ones I saw whenever I went to the City of Books.
[She claps her hands together, softly.]
So....I suppose I just...felt I should do it. The toddler thing - is more of an excuse, really.
[But there's something else she's not saying, resonating in her words.
I am lonely, and you're like me. I don't want to chase you away.]
[It's...hard. He wasn't around the other witches for long before he left to do this game, but even then he did feel that sense of Otherness. He had always thought it was because he's a boy, but maybe age does have something to do with it.
And in truth, he's rather lonely too. Being around all of these mortals, most of whom see him as a nuisance, it's tiring. Without Syaoran here, he might have gone crazy from the loneliness already.]
It...I can understand that, but...
[He glances at her, and then looks away.]
Every time I look at you, I'm reminded of her. It...might be easier, if you didn't have her face.
[There's a long silence as she looks down at her hands, her eyes darting around, as if she's trying to come to a decision.
Finally, after a long moment....she speaks, her voice...strangely vulnerable - as if she's finally made a decision to tell him something that could end up hurting her deeply if her trust is misplaced.]
...Do you know....why I have her face?
...It's not because I particularly wanted it. It....was the only face that was available to me.
That is not what he was expecting. At all. And the way his eyes widen is probably a good indication of that. He's going to have nightmares about that now.
But by the time she returns to using Yuuko's face he's already made one important decision: he won't tell anyone about this. It wouldn't be a fair way to win, but more importantly, he just can't do that to someone. Especially not someone who has trusted him with this information.
Somehow, winning the game suddenly has become less than important.]
Why didn't you say anything before? I could have given you a face. That's within my power to do.
[She doesn't react at his horror, because she knows it isn't a pretty sight.]
...Would you have listened to me if I had?
[She smiles, a little ruefully.]
...That, and....Witches are often not kind to each other. I have learned this through pouring over the accounts of countless games, time and time again.
I thought....that if I could not have companionship, I could at least have a friendly rivalry.
If I had not seen you as a threat for stealing Yuuko-san's face, I would have listened.
Then again, if you hadn't done that, then I wouldn't have become a witch either. I'm not sure if you would have accepted the companionship of a mortal.
Oh that is painful to hear. Especially that last part.]
Is that truly what you think of yourself? That you are wicked, with no redeeming qualities?
[He is torn. She is cruel, violent, and dangerous. She hurts people without a second thought. She hurts people, over and over again, and she takes delight in their pain.
And yet...Watanuki's heart aches for her. It aches, knowing that she has become this.
What would she have been, if she hadn't been sent down this path?]
...Of course. I'm not pretending when I laugh in the trials, after all.
I feel...only the purest joy when I see the pieces suffer.
[Indeed, there's that cruel light in her eyes as she speaks, though it's clear she's trying to suppress it in order to speak to someone she considers her equal.]
How could a being who lives only to bring pain to others not be the most disgusting thing in the world? Whenever they call me cruel, horrible...whenever they spit my name out with such hate, I am happy.
...Because then, I am being seen. To them, I exist.
So....What kind of creature am I, to love to hurt and be hurt in return?
...Only someone completely awful and twisted could ever enjoy living like that, and not try to destroy themselves.
So, that is what I am. I am....The most disgusting, evil thing.
[In contrast to Nirrti's fondness, Watanuki's response rings a bit hollow. He doesn't really feel happy for what she has told him, even though he gets the sense that he should. Stupid dumb broken emotions.]
...
It gets easier eventually, right? Being a witch, I mean.
I suppose outlook does have a lot to do with it. I don't think I can embrace other's pain the way you do.
[There isn't any venom to it, though. He's saying it as if it is just a part of Nirrti, not as if it's something to be detested. A character trait, rather than a flaw.]
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[....Lesson? Did she do all of that to teach his pieces something?]
I figured doing that would make it easier for you next trial.
[And at that....she sighs, shaking her head.]
I'm aware, Watanuki. But...
[...]
...You're - the only other new Witch I've ever met. And really, I ... as much as I play it up in public, I'd rather not hurt you.
...I know that's not the standard with other Witches, but...I am still young. And since I was so young...none of them have really been around me, save Lady Lambdadelta, or the ones I saw whenever I went to the City of Books.
[She claps her hands together, softly.]
So....I suppose I just...felt I should do it. The toddler thing - is more of an excuse, really.
[But there's something else she's not saying, resonating in her words.
I am lonely, and you're like me. I don't want to chase you away.]
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[It's...hard. He wasn't around the other witches for long before he left to do this game, but even then he did feel that sense of Otherness. He had always thought it was because he's a boy, but maybe age does have something to do with it.
And in truth, he's rather lonely too. Being around all of these mortals, most of whom see him as a nuisance, it's tiring. Without Syaoran here, he might have gone crazy from the loneliness already.]
It...I can understand that, but...
[He glances at her, and then looks away.]
Every time I look at you, I'm reminded of her. It...might be easier, if you didn't have her face.
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[There's a long silence as she looks down at her hands, her eyes darting around, as if she's trying to come to a decision.
Finally, after a long moment....she speaks, her voice...strangely vulnerable - as if she's finally made a decision to tell him something that could end up hurting her deeply if her trust is misplaced.]
...Do you know....why I have her face?
...It's not because I particularly wanted it. It....was the only face that was available to me.
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[He had been to angry to ask for the 'why' before, but now...
...]
I'm guessing you couldn't just make a face for yourself, and yours was unavailable?
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I have no name. Not one I remember, for...it was taken from me.
[There's another moment of hesitation...before she reaches up and waves her hand across her face, revealing a pitch black hole.
Though he can't see anything from the side....when she turns to face him, it becomes startlingly clear why she took Yuuko's appearance.
The face he sees....is the face of a burnt corpse. As she speaks, the mouth impossibly moves, fighting past fire-tightened, charred muscle.]
....I have no identity, or face. All I have is my own unshakable faith that I, the Witch of Misfortune, Exist.
[She turns her head...and lets Yuuko's face appear there again.]
...Thus, it is the only thing keeping me here. I have....shown you my true form, and if you wanted to...
...You could tell your pieces, and they could deny me utterly.
And you would win.
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That is not what he was expecting. At all. And the way his eyes widen is probably a good indication of that. He's going to have nightmares about that now.
But by the time she returns to using Yuuko's face he's already made one important decision: he won't tell anyone about this. It wouldn't be a fair way to win, but more importantly, he just can't do that to someone. Especially not someone who has trusted him with this information.
Somehow, winning the game suddenly has become less than important.]
Why didn't you say anything before? I could have given you a face. That's within my power to do.
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...Would you have listened to me if I had?
[She smiles, a little ruefully.]
...That, and....Witches are often not kind to each other. I have learned this through pouring over the accounts of countless games, time and time again.
I thought....that if I could not have companionship, I could at least have a friendly rivalry.
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...no, I'm not saying it right.
If I had not seen you as a threat for stealing Yuuko-san's face, I would have listened.
Then again, if you hadn't done that, then I wouldn't have become a witch either. I'm not sure if you would have accepted the companionship of a mortal.
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...Ha. Most likely not. I probably never would have come across your fragment, anyway.
....The only places I have been have been my territory, and the City of Books. I never had any desire to become a Voyager Witch and travel your Sea.
[She laughs, though it's in a self-reproachful way.]
I was too afraid of having my 'self' sink into the Sea, like I nearly did when I first made my way into this world.
...So, I suppose....if I had never stolen her face, we would have never met.
[She's quiet, for a moment, before continuing on.]
...I...have nothing. Nothing but whoever 'this' is...and my power, the only thing that truly gives me joy.
I am an evil, wicked, disgusting creature. I am a Witch, and I can never be forgiven for being that.
...I know other Witches do not think this way. But for me...
...It is the only thing keeping me whole.
So it is...what I show the pieces.
To keep from fading away entirely.
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Oh that is painful to hear. Especially that last part.]
Is that truly what you think of yourself? That you are wicked, with no redeeming qualities?
[He is torn. She is cruel, violent, and dangerous. She hurts people without a second thought. She hurts people, over and over again, and she takes delight in their pain.
And yet...Watanuki's heart aches for her. It aches, knowing that she has become this.
What would she have been, if she hadn't been sent down this path?]
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I feel...only the purest joy when I see the pieces suffer.
[Indeed, there's that cruel light in her eyes as she speaks, though it's clear she's trying to suppress it in order to speak to someone she considers her equal.]
How could a being who lives only to bring pain to others not be the most disgusting thing in the world? Whenever they call me cruel, horrible...whenever they spit my name out with such hate, I am happy.
...Because then, I am being seen. To them, I exist.
So....What kind of creature am I, to love to hurt and be hurt in return?
...Only someone completely awful and twisted could ever enjoy living like that, and not try to destroy themselves.
So, that is what I am. I am....The most disgusting, evil thing.
I am a Witch.
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['this' being the fact that they are having a conversation, and not at each other's throats.]
Isn't it better to be seen in a way that isn't just hate?
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[She smiles, sadly.]
Then who would I be? I have no memories of anything else, beyond vague feelings.
All I have...is that. ...And nothing else.
[There's a pause....and then she stands.]
...Thank you, Kimihiro. But - I think I would like to rest, now.
....Though I don't feel pain anymore....I am...certainly a little tired, now.
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[It's easy to see she means it - and a lot of her attitude towards him in public is performative.
Playing up to the horrible creature she believes herself to be, as a way of shoring up her own existence.]
...Thank you, Kimihiro. Ah - I probably shouldn't be using your real name, should I?
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[In contrast to Nirrti's fondness, Watanuki's response rings a bit hollow. He doesn't really feel happy for what she has told him, even though he gets the sense that he should. Stupid dumb broken emotions.]
...
It gets easier eventually, right? Being a witch, I mean.
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[She pauses, thinking.
Thinking of the papers in her mind, of the amount of time she's spent theorizing about who is next going to take up the wish.
And if she's correct...
...Then the next week will be a week of utter agony if the truth comes out.]
...I don't know.
I'm not that much older than you, and we have very different outlooks.
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[There isn't any venom to it, though. He's saying it as if it is just a part of Nirrti, not as if it's something to be detested. A character trait, rather than a flaw.]
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[There's a silence, at that.]
That's a very charitable way to put it, Watanuki.
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