[Over the weeks of being connected to Watanuki as his Furniture, Shadow had developed... something of a sixth sense for where the guy was hiding out. He could tell that whatever he had experienced from that last scalpel had been excruciating. Maybe even more than if he had taken Anon's death.
Shadow vanishes from the ballroom, back to his own room, where he takes a moment to collect himself, and focus inward...
... and he finds himself at the shop. Following that same weird feeling brings him up the stairs to a door he's seen, but never paid attention to.
Especially since he was explicitly told not to go in there.
Shadow hesitates for a moment, standing awkwardly in front of the door.
[There's a very good reason Watanuki always told them to leave the room alone. When Shadow approaches, he will feel a sense of utter dread settle into his stomach. Whatever is on the other side of that door, it's not good.
But the door slides open a crack, letting him enter if he so chooses. ]
[Oh that is a bad feel. He does not like. It's the same feeling as when he and Tsubasa got in that fight... And it does make him pause.
... But in the end, talking to him after that did help.
Shadow takes a deep breath and mutters to himself;] I'll leave immediately if he tells me to...
[Shadow steps out of his sandals so he's in bare feet -- more quiet that way -- and he pushes the door just enough to slip inside, even though every cell in his body is screaming at him not to do it]
[Thevroom is entirely pitch black. Shadow can't even tell how big the room is, he can't see the walls, or anything else. All he can see is the light from the doorway, which doesn't go far into the room.
He can hear a crying sound from deep in the room, though. A child's crying, specifically]
[Shadow was created with excellent vision, both in normal and low light. But this is... different. It's not real darkness, after all -- it's dream darkness.
And dream darkness is as dark as pitch, no matter how good your eyes are.
So Shadow holds his hands out perks his ears, turning them in every direction to track down the direction of the sound, walking slowly.
... the crying.
It brings back a memory, one that had been lost... but only vaguely at first. Darkness, and the sound of a girl crying out for him. Incomplete, just a passing split second of a moment. But in this dark, dreadful place, it fills him with Determination.]
[Well He's already killed a boss so this isn't pacifist route- I mean.
If Shadow follows the cries, eventually he will be able to find a young boy of about 8 sitting on his knees on the ground. Much like at the trials, he is visible while the surroundings are not. He is also wiping at his face, trying to dry the tears that keep falling.
In front of him, the ground appears to be...liquid? Every time a teardrop falls, it splashes into something, and a flash of a memory ripples through it.
A young toddler, walking down the street while holding his parents' hands.
A teenager, talking with a boy who suddenly fades away to nothing, revealing that he was a ghost all along.
A boy, standing opposite of another boy his age, reflecting back his expression like a mirror.
They all cone and go so fast, it's hard to keep up.]
[When Shadow touches Watanuki, he will feel the same sensation of memory loss that Watanuki felt upon experiencing Wheatley's death. The slow corruption of all rmthe memories that he holds dear, faces slipping through his fingers like the very water he's sitting near.
He'll also become painfully aware of just how large the gaps in Watanuki's memories really are. For someone who has lived for 118 years, he really only can see a few cumulative years of memories. The rest are vague emotions of loneliness and sorrow.
[Shadow feels it, and it is all too familiar. All too painful. For Shadow, it hadn't been a slow loss, but sudden. Waking up with nothing but a name and a painful image. Feeling so completely confused... and lost.
As awful as it is, as painful as it is to remember what it felt like to forget, Shadow doesn't move his hand.]
Kimihiro. I'm here. You're here.
[Watanuki will be treated to a memory of Shadow's, as well... lost, but now found. Shadow looks the exact same, and yet somehow younger. He enters a room that would be make a young girl blissfully happy, with pastels and dolls, and switches on a lamp next to the bed. Except for the window looking out into outer-fucking-space and some softly beeping medical equipment, it's all painfully normal.
There's a girl, sweating and pale, and Shadow sits next to her.
"It's alright Maria. I'm here. You're here. It was just a nightmare."
The girl looks at Shadow with watery blue eyes, eyes that are clearer than anything else in the memory. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes sunken -- it's clear she isn't well. She almost seems delirious.
"I don't want to die, Shadow. I want... to see the Earth. To see the people there... can you... Shadow...."
She trails off and Shadow retreats for a moment, coming back with a cool cloth and placing it on her head.
"I won't let you die. I'll stay here with you until you fall asleep."
The memory ends with Shadow crawling into bed next to the girl, curling up against her]
Seeing the memory seems to be enough to bring Watanuki out of his despair spiral, though. His crying slows to sniffles, and he's actually looking up to Shadow with mismatched eyes now.]
I'm going to forget all of them, eventually.
[Being inside of Watanuki's mind, it's easy to see what he means. Barring a few exceptions, everyone he's met has eventually become a blur in his mind. Even treasured friends like Himawari and Kohane are becoming less distinct as time passes.
He's not talking about just them, though. He's talking about everyone in this game.]
Then I will help you remember. We can make a goddamn scrapbook if we have to. Something you can look at whenever you feel them slipping away.
[Shadow's mind is swimming with ideas. The scrapbook, yes, but what about backing up Watanuki's memories with a computer? Or wishing them back with the Chaos Emeralds?]
[Maybe not a computer, since a hard drive failure is what caused this breakdown. But a scrapbook isn't a bad idea, honestly.
Still, Watanuki finds himself glancing away guiltily as he starts to speak again. ]
I'm sorry. All of this is my fault. I couldn't let go of her, and now you're all fighting for my sake. But if I forget her, nobody else will remember. And then it's like she never existed to begin with.
[Shadow's hand on Watanuki's shoulder becomes an arm slung around him instead, with Shadow carefully to keep only the soft fur side and not the spiny quill side near his friend's skin]
It was selfish of you. That part's true. But the rest... Even if you forget her, even though she's gone, even if her name and face disappear from your mind... her legacy still exists. Because you exist. She passed her powers, her goals, her life on to you. As long as you're still here, isn't part of her with you? [Shadow puts a hand to his own chest] ... there is no one alive that remembers Maria. No one except me. But the Professor gave me a soul like hers, and she left her wishes for me to fulfill. Even if I were to forget her... I will never forget my purpose.
[He's not wrong. A lifetime ago, when Watanuki told Yuuko that he wanted to grant her wish, she told him that her wish was for him to 'live'. He had never really understood her, and even now he feels like he doesn't have the right to just keep living like that.
But...if Shadow can live for the sake of someone else like that, maybe he can too. ]
...
Okay.
[And he finally reaches up to hug Shadow.]
It hurts, but I'll try it. I'll try to live for her sake.
[That isn't said in the voice of child!Watanuki, though. In that moment, as they hug it out, Watanuki suddenly shifts back to the 17-year-old form that people are more familiar with.
[And actually, now that they're done hugging it out, the room looks...more like a room? It's still dark and it makes Shadow antsy to be in it, but shapes of furniture can be seen in it now.]
Well if you didn't get swallowed up by my emotions, then you're probably fine. But let's get you out of here just to be safe.
At least that hasn't reared its ugly head in here yet.
[Watanuki will follow, and once they're in the hall he will slide the door shut. Instantly the dark feelings are muted, hidden deep inside Watanuki once more.]
...thank you, Shadow. For coming to look for me. I probably would have been in there for days if you hadn't.
[Honestly, if the room was "anger", then Shadow would be swallowed up so completely there'd be nothing left.
Being outside definitely feels like a breath of fresh air, and a weight off Shadow's mind. As they leave, the hedgehog regards the closed door for a moment.
... maybe, one day, that room wouldn't be so dark and ugly.
Something to work toward in the future]
I told you I wanted to take some of that pain for you, now that Holmes can't. I was going to do it one way or another. [Shadow grins a bit] But now I have another thing I'll need to get from the Foundation's earth before I leave -- a camera.
Because he's dead? Though I noticed his command seals are still on you... so your contract is still valid? I'll admit I'm still not 100% clear on how that all works.
That makes sense. ... Still. [Shadow sighs a bit] Actually, I should go back downstairs and make sure everyone is behaving themselves... there's a lot of animosity in a small space and I didn't get the chance to tell them the house rules.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Saturday after trial
Shadow vanishes from the ballroom, back to his own room, where he takes a moment to collect himself, and focus inward...
... and he finds himself at the shop. Following that same weird feeling brings him up the stairs to a door he's seen, but never paid attention to.
Especially since he was explicitly told not to go in there.
Shadow hesitates for a moment, standing awkwardly in front of the door.
He's no good at things like this...
....
He knocks anyway]
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But the door slides open a crack, letting him enter if he so chooses. ]
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... But in the end, talking to him after that did help.
Shadow takes a deep breath and mutters to himself;] I'll leave immediately if he tells me to...
[Shadow steps out of his sandals so he's in bare feet -- more quiet that way -- and he pushes the door just enough to slip inside, even though every cell in his body is screaming at him not to do it]
... Kimihiro?
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He can hear a crying sound from deep in the room, though. A child's crying, specifically]
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And dream darkness is as dark as pitch, no matter how good your eyes are.
So Shadow holds his hands out perks his ears, turning them in every direction to track down the direction of the sound, walking slowly.
... the crying.
It brings back a memory, one that had been lost... but only vaguely at first. Darkness, and the sound of a girl crying out for him. Incomplete, just a passing split second of a moment. But in this dark, dreadful place, it fills him with Determination.]
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If Shadow follows the cries, eventually he will be able to find a young boy of about 8 sitting on his knees on the ground. Much like at the trials, he is visible while the surroundings are not. He is also wiping at his face, trying to dry the tears that keep falling.
In front of him, the ground appears to be...liquid? Every time a teardrop falls, it splashes into something, and a flash of a memory ripples through it.
A young toddler, walking down the street while holding his parents' hands.
A teenager, talking with a boy who suddenly fades away to nothing, revealing that he was a ghost all along.
A boy, standing opposite of another boy his age, reflecting back his expression like a mirror.
They all cone and go so fast, it's hard to keep up.]
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Shadow watches the flashes in the pool. Memories, all memories.
He crouches next to the boy and -- tentatively -- places a hand on his shoulder]
Kimihiro.
["Maria, what happened? What's wrong? Did you have that dream again?"]
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He'll also become painfully aware of just how large the gaps in Watanuki's memories really are. For someone who has lived for 118 years, he really only can see a few cumulative years of memories. The rest are vague emotions of loneliness and sorrow.
And then, a quiet voice speaks up.]
I don't want to forget.
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As awful as it is, as painful as it is to remember what it felt like to forget, Shadow doesn't move his hand.]
Kimihiro. I'm here. You're here.
[Watanuki will be treated to a memory of Shadow's, as well... lost, but now found. Shadow looks the exact same, and yet somehow younger. He enters a room that would be make a young girl blissfully happy, with pastels and dolls, and switches on a lamp next to the bed. Except for the window looking out into outer-fucking-space and some softly beeping medical equipment, it's all painfully normal.
There's a girl, sweating and pale, and Shadow sits next to her.
"It's alright Maria. I'm here. You're here. It was just a nightmare."
The girl looks at Shadow with watery blue eyes, eyes that are clearer than anything else in the memory. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes sunken -- it's clear she isn't well. She almost seems delirious.
"I don't want to die, Shadow. I want... to see the Earth. To see the people there... can you... Shadow...."
She trails off and Shadow retreats for a moment, coming back with a cool cloth and placing it on her head.
"I won't let you die. I'll stay here with you until you fall asleep."
The memory ends with Shadow crawling into bed next to the girl, curling up against her]
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Shadow really is a kind person, isn't he?
Seeing the memory seems to be enough to bring Watanuki out of his despair spiral, though. His crying slows to sniffles, and he's actually looking up to Shadow with mismatched eyes now.]
I'm going to forget all of them, eventually.
[Being inside of Watanuki's mind, it's easy to see what he means. Barring a few exceptions, everyone he's met has eventually become a blur in his mind. Even treasured friends like Himawari and Kohane are becoming less distinct as time passes.
He's not talking about just them, though. He's talking about everyone in this game.]
...but I don't want to forget.
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[Shadow's mind is swimming with ideas. The scrapbook, yes, but what about backing up Watanuki's memories with a computer? Or wishing them back with the Chaos Emeralds?]
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Still, Watanuki finds himself glancing away guiltily as he starts to speak again. ]
I'm sorry. All of this is my fault. I couldn't let go of her, and now you're all fighting for my sake. But if I forget her, nobody else will remember. And then it's like she never existed to begin with.
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It was selfish of you. That part's true. But the rest... Even if you forget her, even though she's gone, even if her name and face disappear from your mind... her legacy still exists. Because you exist. She passed her powers, her goals, her life on to you. As long as you're still here, isn't part of her with you? [Shadow puts a hand to his own chest] ... there is no one alive that remembers Maria. No one except me. But the Professor gave me a soul like hers, and she left her wishes for me to fulfill. Even if I were to forget her... I will never forget my purpose.
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[He's not wrong. A lifetime ago, when Watanuki told Yuuko that he wanted to grant her wish, she told him that her wish was for him to 'live'. He had never really understood her, and even now he feels like he doesn't have the right to just keep living like that.
But...if Shadow can live for the sake of someone else like that, maybe he can too. ]
...
Okay.
[And he finally reaches up to hug Shadow.]
It hurts, but I'll try it. I'll try to live for her sake.
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It hurts to live, much of the time. But aren't you always talking about prices? Pain is the price we pay for all the good parts of living.
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[That isn't said in the voice of child!Watanuki, though. In that moment, as they hug it out, Watanuki suddenly shifts back to the 17-year-old form that people are more familiar with.
You did good Shadow, he's back to normal. Ish.]
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But he takes Watanuki's return to his normal form as a good sign.]
Sorry, though. I broke the rule and came into your room.
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[And actually, now that they're done hugging it out, the room looks...more like a room? It's still dark and it makes Shadow antsy to be in it, but shapes of furniture can be seen in it now.]
Well if you didn't get swallowed up by my emotions, then you're probably fine. But let's get you out of here just to be safe.
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[Shadow will make for the door on his own]
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[Watanuki will follow, and once they're in the hall he will slide the door shut. Instantly the dark feelings are muted, hidden deep inside Watanuki once more.]
...thank you, Shadow. For coming to look for me. I probably would have been in there for days if you hadn't.
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Being outside definitely feels like a breath of fresh air, and a weight off Shadow's mind. As they leave, the hedgehog regards the closed door for a moment.
... maybe, one day, that room wouldn't be so dark and ugly.
Something to work toward in the future]
I told you I wanted to take some of that pain for you, now that Holmes can't. I was going to do it one way or another. [Shadow grins a bit] But now I have another thing I'll need to get from the Foundation's earth before I leave -- a camera.
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[He says it off-handedly, but his focus is drawn to the other words there.]
Why wouldn't Ruler-san be able to take the pain>
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[Shadow shrugs]
Because he's dead? Though I noticed his command seals are still on you... so your contract is still valid? I'll admit I'm still not 100% clear on how that all works.
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[Magic isn't always the answer, Shadow. Though it is the answer for Shadow's question.]
Nobody here is actually dead. Not in the way 'death' works in my world. And since he's not dead, the contract is still valid.
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But at the explanation, Shadow nods]
That makes sense. ... Still. [Shadow sighs a bit] Actually, I should go back downstairs and make sure everyone is behaving themselves... there's a lot of animosity in a small space and I didn't get the chance to tell them the house rules.
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